Category: Failboat

……..no handbook from my employers. Still waiting for the ability to access a HR related website. We need a keyfob which costs a vast £13. Apparently this is to much of a cost for ‘bean counter’ to actually get off his arse and order. So I have to ask my manager to arrange payment for something which I should’ve had 6 months ago.

Oh the joys of working for a major outsourcing company. Indeed the word I’m looking for is cunts.

All aboard, time to raise the anchor and set sail on an action packed adventure.

On boarding the SS Failboat you are soon in awe of the planning and work that taken place to get us this far. By work I meaning the physical decoration of the continuous white paint job. With regards to planning the superb idea of separating most of the fairly import teams around the deck. Finding one’s cabin aboard Failboat is a fairly easy task, just head to the worst possible place as you’ll find it. The cabin is a typical open plan cabin, with no privacy. Once the luggage has been unpacked then the experience can commence.

Sitting comfortably in the new cabin you can take in the marvelous view, other cabins, a pointless stand-up cabin area and the vast behemoths that are wardrobes. After a while you feel the need to explore. Naturally the Galley of the Failboat is one location of interest. Located near the bow the Galley provides a mixed fair of expensive food and extortionate drinks. So quickly we establish that the Galley is not a place to visit for any food requirements.

Other facilities include a Chapel, communal Showers and Toilets. The decks are fitted with a unique cold air blowing system, that seems to be fairly cold. Once we established the limitations of the Galley, we thought it best to take the shore boat and see what the locals can offer.

Once in the foreign land we discover a world not seen within the realms of the Failboat. This world contained beautiful people, decent food at a decent price, warmth and the important thing, a sense of purpose. On returning to the Failboat we heading towards the Galley with our bargain booty. The crew looked on helplessly as other passengers strolled in to examine their booty, most of this booty was much the same as ours. The small island of Tescolocal and neighbouring St.Subway presented the guests with such tasty offerings. Some chose to bring small packages from other locations such Myhomefridge or Themissusmadeit. No matter where these treasures came from, we all enjoyed our own offerings.

Other small islands such as Dodgychinese, Fishandchipston and Greggsisle will be visited over the next few days. Again the goods from these shores will be examined in the Galley.

The Galley itself is a humble place, quite cosy infact. It certainly will be once we collect the passengers from SS Freakhouse and SS QuiteNiceLocation.

Stay tuned for more details about SS Failboat and all who sail in her.

Departing tomorrow, the SS Failboat sails across the corporate sea in to a brave new world.

Of course we will miss SS Shitboat, our sort of home borne out of a nomadic exisistance within the lower reaches of the great white vessel. Anyway as the SS Shitboat departs for the final voyage we soon discover the the SS Failboat is a much smaller craft. So much smaller personal effects such as 2nd/3rd Irons and lots of cabin spare parts need to cast overboard.

Jetsum has never looked so good, mind you the flotsum on the devon beaches earlier this year wasn’t too bad (Well if you bagged a BMW motorbike that is, the tampon and nappy collectors were well, scum).

So over board comes a couple of Irons, one required a new plug the other required a clean up. Other objects of desire heading my way is a collection of Kettles and teapots and a Corby Trouser Press. Quite a booty in my opinion, but it was not just me. We all managed to grab a few bits here and there.

Ebay might be a little busy in the next week.

Look forward to more SS Failboat in the coming weeks.

If a title ever summed up my current feelings it’s this one. Quite how an enjoyable job can turn so mind numbingly boring in the first 4 months is beyond me.

Unusual situation, people are leaving, no one seems to know who’s in charge or what they are doing. Colleagues who are just about to get fucked over by single status (google, cba to explain) are in the same position. Probably, no certainly worse for them.

Though for me I have an exit strategy, find a decent contract then leave. Simple as. As far as employment agencies are concerned I’m still a contractor. To be honest I and my colleagues who joined are still treated as contract staff. Today marked another milestone in the shitness™. Well a continuation of a milestone, Equipment.

When you join a work place, especially in IT you expect a few things.

1) Desk

2) Phone

3) Computer

Now which one of those did we have to find ourselves?

All fucking 3. Fortunately a few desks became spare shortly after joining, so after a few weeks of hopping between the desks of holidaying and the sick we managed to bag this tri-desk triumph. As fortune would have it we also managed to find a single phone for the 4 desk cluster (4th desk occupied).

During this eventful week I personally managed to blag a PC. A fairly decent one (HP DC7600) and a monitor. To this I add my spare MS Wireless bling elite Keyboard and mouse. So 1 out of 3 now has a PC. The weeks go by and we discover a monitor spare, now in our previous contracting the 3 of us blagged laptops. These were only given to 2 of us as we were using our own kit.

So now we have 2 sort of desktops available. Back to today, as we are in the process of moving office I manage to locate 2 spare PCs and monitors. Today Ladies and Gentlemen we are proud to announce that it has only taken 4 months to actually get the sort of kit most people would get on day one.

We still only have 1 phone between us. But from small acorns a big tree grows. And yes it takes just as long.

Today I also applied for a 6 month contract elsewhere, starting Monday. Who knows the career might be off again. Oh but isn’t there a notice period, probably. But as they’ve failed to deliver on other key areas of the contract I personally feel any terms are now null and void.

Chances are I’ve missed the boat, as my CV didn’t arrive until they’d sent the others in. Anyway I’ll keep on looking as sadly I feel ‘they, the current employers’ have missed the opportunity with me.